My boss' voice literally gives me gas
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
