this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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