ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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