I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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