Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She bit a glass in half.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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