I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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