You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
