It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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