dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
