ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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