Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
