woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
