My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
