Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
