Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
