wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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