: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
