The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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