Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
