apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
