pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
