i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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