i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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