they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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