I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
