What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
