just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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