every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
