so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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