She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
