her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
