What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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