Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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