I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
