he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
