you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
