We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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