how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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