My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
