You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
