on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
