oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
