Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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