dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
