i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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