Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
