we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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