Do you still have your period?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
