having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
