well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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