Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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