Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
