rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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