the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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