He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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