She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
