what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
