What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
