apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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