I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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