my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
