Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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